thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
