we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
