She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
