fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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