No more Irish car bombs ever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think your dad took our porno
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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