my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
