I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
