The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
