i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
