i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
