I am puke
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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