if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she told me i tasted like america
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
