so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
