i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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