nut hugger
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
