yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize