Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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