I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
