its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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