I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
