who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
