my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
