u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
