I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
