I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
