I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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