i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
