Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
