Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
