as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
