are you so shy because you have an std?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
