I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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