i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i think my cat just said my name.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
