i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
