fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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