Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
