She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
