I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
