I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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