dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
