When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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