It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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