Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
as a side note pls kill me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
