Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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