A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
40s are totally the cure
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
