I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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