So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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