Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
