I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
