I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
