He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
