1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
