What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
