I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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