Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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