Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
