he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
