While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
