There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
