either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
