I love black thongs
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
