Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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