If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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