so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
