eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
